Raindrops trickle on the whole way down. They slide by one another, asking “how was your day?” The fresh scent tickles my nose. Beds of moss stick out underneath my toes. The mountains call many times a day. I have yet to send back a reply. But she still loves me, so I don’t really care anyway.
I feel myself drifting.
Farther and farther away.
I’m sitting in front of you,
But you have no idea where I am.
None of this makes a difference to me anymore.
I want to leave all of this behind for something I’m seeking but more?
More of me and more of this place.
I leave my soul for you to keep safe.
But my spirit will take off away from here.
Long I soar,
I need to get out of here.
We’re all destined for something so unique.
But my fate isn’t a place –
It’s the trees and the wind and the light breeze that carries your songs someplace.
Can’t you see,
This isn’t me.
I’m meant for something greater than this.
I was put on the earth to figure it all out.
But you won’t accept me,
Without a doubt.
I am designed to live on this solo ride.
You don’t need me because I want it this way,
For when I finally pick up and leave,
I’ll be nothing but a fading memory.
You’ll think about me from time to time,
With a sly grin,
Wondering what kind of trouble I’m getting myself in.
For my sake and yours,
That my love will never die for any one of you.
It will burn bright within my heart.
For I would never be who I am without you today.
So thank you,
And now I must go.
The wind is calling for me to come home.
I hope you see me when I’m no longer there.
I hope you realize what you just lost as I walk away.
I hope you think about me all the lonely nights,
when I could’ve been right there.
I hope one day you finally open your eyes to everything that was standing right in front of you.
Why couldn’t I have been enough right there in that moment of time?
That last moment that we looked into each other’s eyes,
I knew I would never see you again.
You didn’t look back,
they never do.
Now all I can hope is to haunt you in your dreams –
So you can feel the pain I feel right now.
I loved you now and I will love you then,
but love will never convince you to spread your wings and fly.
And I can’t live my life stranded on the ground.
Am i hiding behind these computer screens and these lenses because I don’t know to handle the real world? I don’t know. I think its because I see things that other people don’t. Most are hidden inside the bubble of their own thoughts. But I see everything. I see the old couple who finds the humor in every single person that walks by – you can tell they have been married for 45 years and still are the best of friends. I also see the families with children dressed to the nines who are on their way to see more of the world than I probably have. I see the young, stylish college-aged students, like myself, traveling solo and feeling on top of the world because we are the ones seizing it. I see the professional business man in the pin-stripped suit talking on the phone with someone “important”, yet I don’t see a wedding band. I see loneliness, yet I see family. I see hope, yet I see devastation. But most of all, I see a different story behind every single person boarding this plane. All going to the same destination with completely different plans on what will happen once landed.
Maybe it’s not today. And maybe it’s not tomorrow. Hell, it could even be years from now. But one day, it’s going to come. And all of the strength that you have accumulated over the years will prevail with a partner who will be right there next to you for the rest of the journey. These nights that you feel so alone, just embrace it and get through the night. Wake up in the morning, put your running shoes on and start your day. Get through each and every day. Everything will be okay. You’re so strong. I’m so proud of who you’ve become. You’re so beautiful and wise and someday it’s all going to be okay. Change the course of your life. You can do it. It’s not about letting your parents down, it’s about not letting yourself down. You are destined for such great things. Now go and get them. And eventually everything will fall into place.
How do I forget? I think thats the key in this life. The mastering skill of forgetting.. It will be impossible to continue on strong minded having to remember everything. What if someone walked up to you and said they could wipe your mind clean? Would you take it? Forget everything you’ve ever learned, everything you’ve ever experienced. Almost like starting over. All that you’ve been told your whole life wouldn’t even matter anymore. I think we almost like to attach ourselves to the pain, the memories that we crave to forget every night we fall asleep – please, please don’t remember this when you wake up. But you always do. Yet you still always wish the next night, even thought it won’t happen. When you’ve experienced such pain, nothing else can provoke nearly the same amount of emotion. If you know how bad it can be, doesn’t that mean you know how good it can be too? So again, I ask you, what would you do? Because I already know what I would do.
He was different.
Everything about him had changed, not for the better.
The aura he presented reminded me of the way a king from the 1500s would have.
He was our best friend.
It was bound to happen.
This has been going on for years before.
The truth was always there, we just chose to not see it.
He was everything to me.
And now, now he has become dead to me.
It’s like losing a brother.
After all these years.
After all these memories.
It’s just over in the blink of an eye.
The two of us, we remained alright.
Yet, we never did make our way back to being in that same city together again.
I think it hurt too much.
It reminded us of what was missing when I was there.
At least when we were in a different city, he wouldn’t be there as taunting temptation.
We drifted after years,
But not because we wanted to.
It just became too much.
Too much of a reminder of all the things we are trying right now to forget.
And to think it doesn’t even matter because I will jump as high as the stars to catch the fluttering butterfly that will arch it’s way down to the twinkling puddle that envelopes the entire ground. We seek only what is right in front of our eyes when we need to reach for the sun and touch the sky. Green grease will grow under the lemon tree until your love returns to me. I await the day so I can see what it’s like to be me.