I let the smoke rush through my head and enter all the veins flowing simultaneously throughout my body until the only thing I exhale is the sober thoughts I had seconds before. Yet what will happen when the drug isn’t enough and you can’t consume enough substances to release you from the pain, the heavy weight that pulls me down.
The crisp wind moves my hair back and forth.
Back and forth.
The snow sinks in as my boots press into the ground.
And Even though the snowflakes fall ever so elegantly onto one another in a symmetry I could never replicate.
And the air resonates the act of renewal and rebirth.
I can’t shake the feeling of how bitterly, utterly, shamelessly lonely I am as these God for saken frozen drops coat my mind.
I can’t save you.
I can’t save any of you.
As I walk away from you sobbing on the ground,
Please don’t find me heartless.
If I showed you my heart,
Right then and there,
It would ooze all the pain and suffering you’re spilling out now.
So my friend,
Lean against me just this one last time.
Tell me about your sorrows that I can only hope to refrain.
But just know,
I will soon have to turn my back and walk away.
Not because I can’t save you.
It’s because I can’t save myself if I save you too.